one more time.

I've jumped ship. Come find me at the National Hoax:
http://alextypical.tumblr.com/

by the way

this week is devoted to crazy.

WHOA WELCOME BACK!

I think I went to NY this weekend. I'm still not sure. The thing is I can't remember anything that happened yesterday, so like that guy in the movie that I might have seen, I'm forced to reconstruct my life with notes, and photos. So here's what I've got so far:


As far as I can tell this HAS to be NY I mean those animals are crazy, and if you watch tv most new yorkers seems bonkers right? The only thing that throws me off is that animals don't talk, and don't usually fly indoors at museums. So back to square one. But then I found this:
This can't be NY because New Yorkers, though bonkers (as I established before) never ever sleep. That's right, they are allergic to it. Duh. The flying animals seem to make more sense then the sleeping asshole on the rocks. What a dick fuck. Who does he think he/she is? I am supposed to be happy that I'm paying his taxes every year? No. Because I am not. That makes me so mad, I broke a fist punching my jumbo espresso mug. If this guy thinks he's gonna get a free ride, well, he's got another coming. Yessiree, this slacker should get ready for a stern talking to. Or a complaint in his complaint box - you just know he has one of those, attached to one of his "rocks." Is that even a real rock? It might look like one, but appearances often deceive. I once thought I was married, but it turned out I just owed a lot of money to the government and those people never lie. ANyway I don't know if I went to NY but I sure hate lazy bears, and tigers make me tired.

CUTLOOSE - THE INTERVIEW

Click here to read my interview with cutloose.

CUT LOOSE
[Lips, Reiner, Allison, Dickson]

The word is out
That rock is in
And everyone is banging heads again
You and your mates
You want it all
You take your place at the front of the concert hall
The house lights dim
The stage is set
You're gonna take all that you can get
All you can get
[Chorus]
Let's go crazy
Let's go insane
Me and the boys are rockin' out again
Cut loose
Everybody cut loose
Cut loose
Everybody cut loose
Turn it up
Start to grind
It's got the power to blow your mind
Raise a fist
Cuts through the air
Scream and yell, show me that you care
Show me you care
[Chorus]
Come feel the heat
And energy
Electric force sets your spirit free
Let it out
No holding back
Cutting loose, there's no turning back
No turning back
[Chorus]

REAL LIES

Well I'll be! Turns out we have a scanner in the house. Finally I'll be able to scan page, after page of my (word salad) poetry. You'll thank me when you're older. Builds character.
I called Cutloose today, and chatted with him about the sales biz. I should have an interview up on viceland tomorrow. I think I might take out the contact number, or not. I mean he probably wants people to call, but then he might find out about my questionable interview methods. I think he wants me to work for him now which isn't so bad considering my current state of affairs. WE'LL ALL LOOK BACK ON THIS AND LAUGH. OK?

JUST SPEED IT UP. YOU GOT A HIT!

I went to Value Village today and scored a copy of Chipmunk Punk. Did you know in the olden days they didn't know how to slogan? That's right, they used to refer to the Chipmunks in the following order: Simon, Theodore and Alvin. Or maybe they did it to fuck with your mind, and be all fuck you punk rock about it.

-You may have missed a great job opportunity this week. Luckily I'm here to scour the classifieds and find the gold:

TELEMARKETING METAL HEADS
I am a crazy boss who offers a crazy atmosphere. I am not stuck up just because I have a house, drive a nice car, and have the finer things in life.
I want people who are not normal society, sell-outs who don't want to work for the man, the suits, the people who think they are all that and more.
Come make $1000 a week listening to Slayer with me.
Call now-start now! 416-483-5275 ask for Cutloose

Don't bother calling today, Cutloose is out of the office. Don't worry I'll try my best to keep y'all posted on the Cutloose front - cut to me on the cover of the Sun "DERANGED YUPPIE METAL HEAD SEX CULT BUSTED!"

-Do any of you have any dieting books? Follow diets? I'm kind of fascinated by diets right now, and I'd love to learn more.

PRESIDENT WONDERFUL!

-The future is located in Illinois, right beside the Kentucky border.
-Bill Murray used to look like a confusing lesbian (crossed-eyed? caterpillars for brows?)
-Pizza has been turned into medication for dumb hippies with cash to blow (finally!)
(click for full genius)