UP TO NO GOOD

I went to London this weekend. I guess I went for Vice UK's 5th Birthday, but come on a party? That's a pretty silly reason to go anywhere. Plus I don't have any pictures to prove I was there - I realized that I'd left my camera, and to a lesser extent my cigarettes at the place I was staying at. Anyway there are pictures from the party here, you know, if you care enough. The afterparty was at the old blue last
I overheard one disgruntled patron ask if she was in Trainspotting. Apparently the rampant boozing, and indulgence wasn't what she expected at an afterparty. I felt bad for her, so I spilled a drink on myself (not pictured here).
I enjoyed my time away from Paris because it allowed me to realize that I should be grateful for a number of things. For instance, Parisians are much better looking than the English. I assumed that the looks difference would be minimal, but turns out I was wayyyy off. To prove my point I have selected two random French and English specimens to compare
They may share the same name, but one of these two birds needs to loosen her headscarf! I also learned that not all breakfast places are equal, and just because a place is called the Paris Café doesn't mean they use butter on their toast, and don't cater to the obesely depressed. And for the record, Fried bread always sounded pretty decent in my brain, but after a short jaunt down that road I came to understand that I was wrong.

London I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
London two pounds and twenty-seven pence November 24, 2007.
I can't stand my own mind.
London when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb

Those last two lines don't really fit, but you get the idea. Ouch. Tomorrow is Monday. What gives, clock of eternity?

NEVER GONNA HAPPEN

There are a lot of things the guidebooks don't bother telling you about Paris. One of the most glaring omissions relates to housing. If you're planning on living in Paris for more than a month you'll probably consider getting a place of your own. For one you can totally forget about finding somewhere classy cos those places are reserved for the secret Royalty that still controls the country (more on that later). So what's left? Well in my case it took a month of visiting a number of depressing apartments- one place belonged to this sad sack type. He was trying really hard to convince me that this was the place of my dreams, but red flags went up when I had to climb over the toilet to check out the shower, and I just couldn't shake the confusing smell of paprika, depression, and garbage. Actually, most of the places I saw weren't half bad, usually too expensive, or in an awkward part of town (does the 15th arrondissement actually exist? who takes the 7bis line?) the real problem is the tenants. Owning an apartment in Paris gives people a superiority complex. Chances are you'll show up at a place and end up doing a pathetic song and dance trying to prove your worth. This is nothing compared to the sad show you'll put on if you're required to submit a "dossier" to an "agence". No one told me that these agences were a big deal, so it came as a shock when I got flat out denied . In fact, I'd say it stings as hot rash in the sun that just got bit by a jellyfish-scorpion hybrid (jelscorpionyfish). Suddenly you're thrust into apartment purgatory, and your possessions are forced to suffocate in garbage bags until you find a sketchy hole in the wall that accepts that you get paid like a 12th century serf, or You can try and shack up with your significant other which is how most couples in Paris take it to the next level. The truth is most couples in the city can't stand each other, but the thought of having to find a new apartment is so awful that they stay together, and pretend to be happy when they attend the dreaded couples dinner.

I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

-This has been stuck in my head for a week now.

-Deerhunter were pretty excellent on Wednesday. Also I really dig the Maroquinerie as a venue it has 2 floors, a nice terrasse, and affordable demis.
-I didn't make it to the Globo, but frankly I didn't feel like going just the thought of waiting around to see the same set, ok fine Feadz is cool, and A-Trak would have been a nice change of pace, but man they need to step it up because Ed Banger is becoming the McDonald's of dance music. Can they stay the course?
D.A.N.C.E is in the trailer for a movie called 27 Dresses starring that guy from Boogies Diner, and the blonde from sexy doctors (btw is she supposed to be ugly or something?)