NO THANKS FOR THINS.

You might not know this about me but I ride the subway. I also make a point of reading every single ad during my underground adventure, because I detest No Logo (suck on that Klein, and the year 2000). However my distaste for Logo just comes down to the fact that I'm petty and illogical. But then it happened: I was Shocked by the Cadbury Thins chocolate bar ad campaign. Did you know that Thins were voted best chocolate bar in 2007? Well enjoy your time in the sun Thins cos the only thing that was holding me back from an all out smear campaign was my geographic position, and I just got home.

Here's the problem with Thins ads, they all read like some piss poor attempt at Cosmo english. Manscaping? No one outside of some boardroom with a giant glass table covered in discarded starbucks wrappers, and forks with salad encrusted on the tines talks like that. Just cos you stayed up all night coming up with an idea doesn't make it good. You know why? Because I don't want to want to deserve chocolate like I'm some sort of snotnosed kid. MacLaren McCann you might think you get women, but you don't get me. You know why? Because I don't really like chocolate enough to buy it, and I hate unspoken bonds between women.

So Cadbury here's where we stand on me buying a Thins bar. First off it probably won't happen. Sorry, I'm into salty snacks, but you could consider a visceral attack on me, by say, showering me with bars as I walk down the street. OR you could put together an elaborate ruse involving a hypnotist à la Old Boy which would set off a chain of events relating every moment in my life to Thins bars. OR you could focus all your time and energy on constructing a time machine so that you could go back to those nine months in 1984 when my mom was pregnant with me and attempt to manipulate my genetic makeup so that nothing in my life will matter until the day I discover Thins. If you do that then maybe I'll be into your chocolate bar. Otherwise quit hogging the subway ad space, and let the old Sex guy tell me more about his return to the sex fold.
On a lighter note: Maroon 5 is back! I'm already reserving my tickets for Live Nation. What about you?